[Assam] What about the telegu language ?

Thu Oct 6 22:42:10 EDT 2005

Hi Sumita:

Thanks for your kind words.

But I don't want you to get the wrong idea that somehow I imply your 
identity is more important to your children than their father's.

So is that an un-resolvable conflict? No, it is not.  The trick is in
categorizing what is the most important identity.

My formula: I am a human being first. Everything else is secondary. I 
am sure it would work for you, your husband and your children.

Best to all of you.

c-da

At 5:22 PM +0000 10/6/05, sumita  sarma wrote:
>
>Hello C da,
>
>It was a wonderful reply. And yes, your broad minded ness is to be 
>appreciated. In fact, courtsey my claims, my elder daughetr (7 yrs) 
>already identifies herself as an assamese and not telugu. But you 
>know, a parent has really to teach a child a language if the same is 
>not being frequently spoken in their vicinity - else becomes very 
>difficult especially the south indian languages.
>
>Yes, for you people living in the usa/uk, children should learn 
>english first for obvious reasons.
>
>Anyway, will be away to guwahati for 2 weeks where the net may not 
>be as accessible as here. But hoping to hear more from you.
>
>A very happy durga puja to you and all the assam netters,
>
>Sumita
>
>On Thu, 06 Oct 2005 Chan Mahanta wrote :
>>Hi Sumita:
>>
>>
>>I am quite ignorant about pre-natal development of infants and its 
>>relationship to language skills/identity of the grown child. Also I 
>>am not familiar with Abhimanyu's pre-natal education or martial 
>>skill learning. See Sumita, I am deprived of many of the Indian 
>>mythology, even though I read 'Xixur Mahabharat', at around Class 
>>VI.
>>
>>But it is a scientifically proven fact that hatchlings of certain 
>>birds; geese and ducks to be precise, learn by the process of 
>>IMPRINTing. Imprinting here means taking on the characteristics and 
>>responding to what the hatchling is exposed to right after birth. 
>>So if a human feeds and takes care of the duckling during the first 
>>few days of its life, it will always think of the human as its 
>>mother, something that could not be un-learnt.
>>
>>I would be willing to bet a rupee, that a mother's influences on 
>>her child are similar even though it might not register as strongly 
>>as IMPRINTing would.
>>
>>>What is the mother tongue of cross lingual marriages ?
>>
>>*** I used the term 'mother-tongue' in a generic way, even though 
>>the etymology of the word obviously was literally so. Way back 
>>when, a child used to learn language skills from the mother, thus 
>>the terminology. The father merely taught how to grunt, groan or 
>>holler. But in today's world it is different. Not just in 
>>cross-lingual parentage, but also in case of folks like us living 
>>in an adopted land where the predominant language is different from 
>>the parents'
>>mother-tongue/s. My guess  would be, in your case, that your 
>>children's mother tongues would be Oxomiya and Telegu, both, unless 
>>you choose to do otherwise.
>>
>>In our case, our special circumstances required us to raise our 
>>first-born as a single language user, English. Our second child 
>>followed suit, even though it was not a requirement.
>>
>>The attitude of dictating that the father's language alone be the 
>>mother-tongue is nothing less than an egregious display of 
>>male-centricism, quite out of place in today's world and out of 
>>pace with contemporary life. I agree, the affliction is widespread 
>>in India and all other patriarchal societies. But your generation 
>>does not have to capitulate to it, even though I know it is easier 
>>said than done, more so in a setting where the previous generation 
>>is near at hand to dictate. We are personally aware of a situation 
>>involving a cross-cultural couple in which the mother is Oxomiya 
>>and given to liberal, non-traditional outlooks, in which such 
>>patriarchal cultural/language domineering was leading to almost 
>>tragic consequences.
>>
>>My own perspective on it is this: IF the children are capable of, 
>>the more languages they learn, the richer would their lives be. But 
>>it is not a given that all children are capable of learning or all 
>>parents are capable of teaching. Often some of our friends miss 
>>that and assume, in a simpleminded way, that expatriate children 
>>who do not learn their mother-tongue/s is a fault of the parents, 
>>and hold it as nothing less than treason to their cultural/ethnic 
>>identity and obligations. It will be interesting to see how they 
>>would respond to the kind of scenario you are describing.
>  >
>>
>>>Its me who feel awkward when i am in an all-telegu group !
>>
>>*** If I were you, I won't at all feel awkward. If for no other 
>>reason than for the fact that I owe it to no one to know anything, 
>>much less their language or their cultural traits. Being the 
>>assertive person as I am, I would expect them to know about mine 
>>first. Even though I am curious as a cat about others' 
>>cultures/languages and I like to learn, my circumstances are 
>>unique; just like yours and every other individual on earth. And if 
>>someone is incapable of recognizing  and respecting that in this 
>>day and age, I'd say tough.
>>
>>Defiantly as always in asserting my freedom of choices,
>>
>>:-) :-) :-)
>>
>>c-da
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>At 5:00 AM +0000 10/6/05, sumita  sarma wrote:
>>>Hello CM da,
>>>
>>>Thanks for your comments. In fact, my hubby is not at all 
>>>interested that i learn his mother tongue! Its me who feel awkward 
>>>when i am in an all-telegu group !! And yes, my hubby is unable to 
>>>pronounce 'xo' properly.
>>>
>>>But you know, the problem arises with the question of 'mother 
>>>tongue'. What is the mother tongue of cross lingual marriages ? In 
>>>schools etc, mother tongue is the one spoken by the father ! But, 
>>>I think the correct definition for mother tongue would be the 
>>>language heard by the unborn child (while in the mother's womb). 
>>>Didnt Abhimanyu learn many of the skills while in the womb? But, 
>>>we Indians do not want to see it that way.
>>>
>>>And no, I do not always make the fiery telugu dishes. Yes, in 
>>>front of those hot dishes, our assamese dishes become quite 
>>>'xereka'.
>>>
>>>Will be waiting for your comments.
>>>
>>>Sumita
>>>
>>>On Wed, 05 Oct 2005 Chan Mahanta wrote :
>>>>Hello Sumita:
>>>>
>>>>Welcome to assam net. Good to hear from you.
>>>>
>>>>My comments had nothing to do with your question and concerns 
>>>>however. It was in reference to Umesh's crusade.
>>>>
>>>>Personally, I see nothing out of the ordinary here for you. I 
>>>>would have the same problem. Similarly for your Telegu speaking 
>>>>husband. If he makes you feel 'odd', if I were you, I would make 
>>>>it even by asking him to pronounce the 'xo' sound, as in Oxomiya. 
>>>>That should teach him a lesson. And if that is not enough , 
>>>>remind him of how a rolling tekeli-full of pebbles ( an 
>>>>earthenware pot with a handful of pebbles) sound, when he wants 
>>>>for you to speak 'proper-sounding' Telegu, and ask why anyone 
>>>>would want to sound like that while talking.
>>>>
>>>>But I don't have any reason to believe that your Telegu husband 
>>>>would ever make you feel bad about your lack of proficiency in 
>>>>his mother-tongue and similarly, you would not make him feel 
>>>>'worthless' either.
>>>>
>>>>BTW, I hope he is not making you cook all those fiery Telegu 
>>>>meals, tasty as they are, that could singe most Oxomiya palates 
>>>>beyond repair. That would be far more painful than rolling those 
>>>>'r's.
>>>>
>>>>Best wishes to you and your husband.
>>>>
>>>>:-) :-) :-)
>>>>
>>>   >cm
>
>
>
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