[Assam] Fwd: Assam Tribune article on internet matrimony

[Manoj Das]

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Bijoy Sankar Saikia <bijoysankar at gmail.com>
Date: Mar 25, 2007 6:05 PM
Subject: Assam Tribune article
To: Manoj Das <dasmk2k at gmail.com>

Manojda,

This is a copy of the write-up that I had sent to AT. Have not seen the
published version.

rgds
Bijoy



Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make Me a Match

> Santwana, an Assamese girl working as a receptionist at Assam Bhawan,
Delhi, was not that ambitious to think of a life in Australia till one day
she met an Australian over the Internet. Her brother, who is an immigrant
based there, cross-checked the antecedents of the person and they got
married earlier this year.

> Prabal comes from a Delhi-based Assamese Brahmin family, and is currently
working in the US. His mother wanted a true-blooded Brahmin bride for him.
There was no way that Prabal could locate a bride from the US or his old
parents could find someone from Delhi, who could fit their bill. Eventually
the boy managed to meet an Ahom girl through the Internet, which later led
to marriage.

It's time the match-makers in the heaven take a break, the Internet and the
market players are out in full force to do the job and make a few millions
in the process!

A couple of weeks back when Shaadi Points of India's leading matrimonial
portal shaadi.com sprung up in a few places in Guwahati and elsewere and
splashed half-page ads in prominent newspapers, they marked the arrival of
the Rs 100-crore match-making industry at the doorsteps in the Northeast.

But, strangely, it hardly ruffled any feathers. The Shaadi Points have
seemingly failed to draw much interest among the ethnic people of the region
unlike elsewhere in the country, where match-making has long moved on to the
virtual world, turning the online match-making services industry into a
million-dollar business. And, mind you, small towns and country folk are the
main forces driving this business in India today.

So much so that this business, once confined to pundits, is today attracting
investment not only from domestic companies and funds but even from US
Internet giant Yahoo. Matrimonial portals like shaadi.com today claims of
fixing, on an average, 1,000 marriages every month.

Why is it that the Assamese society and other ethnic communities in the
Northeast have remained aloof of these modern means of matrimonial pursuits?
In fact, it's not just the online matrimonial portals which have remained
out of bounds for the traditional societies in the Northeast, even
matrimonial ads on newspapers are still a complete 'no-no' for most people.

This reflects on a strong traditional value system in these societies and
underlines the fact that even in those pockets where a steady onslaught of
consumerism, commericalisation and apartment culture have brought in an
overall transformation in lifestyle and mindsets, the hearts still rest
deeply rooted to tradition. Possibly, that's why even northeasterners based
outside of this region rarely put up matrimonial ads on newspapers and
websites looking for an Assamese bride or, say, a Manipuri groom.

About two years back, Assam Association of Delhi had started an initiative
in the national capital in association with a matrimonial portal called
Timesmarti.com <http://timesmarti.com/> by organising a day-long 'Swayambar'
as a meeting ground for prospective brides, grooms and their parents. Only
35 people turned up.

Recalls Manoj Das, the secretary of Assam Association, Delhi: "Most people
who turned up went there out of curiosity. We used it as a test case and
didn't really push very hard. Yet, one marriage fructified last November
through that exercise. I am confident that such an event can become a
roaring success. Only the name has to be changed to 'bibahopoyogi lora
shoowalir sina porichoy sammilani' or something like that. The title,
Swayambar, carried the imagery of a bride or groom waiting with a garland to
instantly make someone his/her life partner; which was really scary."

The Assam Association of Delhi is now in talks with the Assamese women's
organisation of Delhi, called URULI, to hold a 'chinaki mela'.

According to Das, the reluctance of Assamese people to explore the Internet
or print media for matrimonial alliances is largely due to 'mukhalajja' -
the consciousness of being pointed out. It is also because of our
traditional value system. "Assamese society -- barring some orthodox
communities and tribes -- is at large an open and broad-minded society.
Marriage alliance is mostly through romance. They are hesitant to trust
someone who would advertise his/her incompetence in finding a match through
self-efforts or traditional channels," he observes.

But then, there is a definite reverse side to it. The unwillingness of the
Northeast people to step along with the tide of times may have also left
marooned an entire young generation, which is out to join the march of the
world outside of this region.

Discerning circles are, in fact, voicing concern over the rate at which
Assamese boys and girls based outside of this region are seeking
non-Assamese spouses. "It's good for national integration, but bad for one's
cultural identity," they say.

Das, for instance, points to the growing tendency for cross-cultural
marriages between Assamese grooms and North Indian brides in some of the big
cities. "Assamese boys, who are well-cultured and are free from the malaise
called dowry, are fast becoming a sought-after commodity in North India's
dowry-ridden society," he points out.

Ask them, and these Assamese boys and girls would tell you that the problem
is in absence of linkages. This is a reality for most people who have
crossed geographical boundaries in pursuit of careers and fortunes.

Take Porry's case, for instance. Porry is the only daughter of a reputed
Delhi-based Assamese family. An MBA from a reputed institute, Porry is
currently working with an MNC bank. Her parents wanted her to marry an
Assamese boy. She was a 'mangalik' and couldn't find a match. Ultimately she
went for marriage with a non-Assamese boy, who does not care about all
these. Even in Assamese society, there are liberal families who don't mind
much of these. But Porry's problem was neither she nor her parents had the
option to find out such a family.

"I think we need to organise get-togethers or youth festivals to bring
together marriageable boys and girls. We can also hold 'chinaki melas' for
introducing the prospective brides/bridegrooms. Let them choose and go
ahead," suggests a Delhi-based father of a marriageable girl, who would
still not comfortable with the idea of seeking an alliance for his daughter
through the Internet.

But this is not the entire story. Although the Assamese community is
prima-facie reluctant to utilise the Internet for matrimonial alliance, it's
not wholly true with the younger generation. Thankfully, the GenNext has
spotted the problem area fast enough. A good number of young generation
people do use Internet today in a very prolific manner for such pursuits. As
a matter of fact, unlike their print counterparts, online matrimonial ads
allow prospective brides and bridegrooms to share more information on their
personality and outlook to life, which most people find useful as couples
today look at individual compatibility very closely.

World over Internet and matrimonial newspaper ads have scripted many success
stories of match-making and cross-cultural matrimony. As long as one sees
them as a medium of establishing links, there is no harm in utilising such
modern media to seek alliances. But, even the most liberal would advise
caution in such pursuits.

>From his experience, Das, too, prescribes caution in such matters. "For one,
most profiles available on websites are generally full of lies. I heard of a
girl who had gone to meet an  'athletic built, handsome, young suitor' only
to find a middle-aged uncle with a pot belly and gray hair looking for that
extra kick in life. One must do a due diligence of antecedents of a
prospective bride or groom through a third party," he says.

Also, linkage is where the role of media ends. Technology can only link up
minds, it cannot make a marriage work or last a lifetime. That is where
those in the heaven can probably play a part!

(Names of boys and girls used have been changed to protect identities.)
(1335 words)
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